Good is not good enough.

I had an epiphany the other day. For the first time in my life I was given the opportunity to settle for “good” instead of “best.” Since I’ve moved back to Colorado I have been given the chance to indulge every desire my heart has had the last few years. The ones I really wanted. A week after I accepted my job at Woodmen, I was asked to go out on a tour. A big tour. It was incredibly ironic to me that right after I take this amazing job working for the Kingdom, I’m given the chance to do what I spent six years in Nashville trying to do. For a split second I considered doing it. And then I had that pit in the bottom on my stomach. I knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be and to accept the job was disobedience. Still – to fight my desire was incredibly difficult. Another situation just happened a few days ago. I gave a guy friend a hug and his cologne smelled exactly like the boy I loved for years. For a moment I closed my eyes and pretended that it WAS him and the situation was entirely different. He never left. He never chose her. He never said those things. But when I pulled away and looked into my friend’s eyes I knew what my reality was. The kicker? This boy desired me. He wanted to date me, woo me, love me. And yet, I knew it wasn’t right. I so badly wanted to accept, to be cherished and adored, even if it was fleeting. Once again being given an imitation
of the desire of my heart. I don’t know why these things keep happening. I wonder if they will stop or if they will continue. Of this I am certain – I don’t want to live my life accepting the imitation of my dreams. I want the REAL thing. I might never get it, but I think I’d rather say I waited for excellence than settled for average.

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