Confessions Day 6 – Learning to practice what I preach.
One of the most interesting parts of my job is interacting with people. We have several teams go out on short term missions trips throughout the year and one of my main jobs is to send weekly updates on their financial reports. The majority of our trips are international and costing upwards of $2000. When people are on the fence about going on a trip because of money, I’m the one that gets to persuade them. In my year of doing this I’ve never NOT seen the funds come through for someone. Usually the funds are above and beyond. When I was asked to go on the Africa trip, one of my biggest hang ups was financial. Like I said before, I’m terrible at managing money so I certainly don’t have $3000 lying around to go to Africa. I knew it was something I was supposed to do so I signed up anyways. Now that we are 150 days from departure, I’m starting to freak out a little bit. $3000 is a lot of money. I’m starting to doubt that the money will come in, that anyone will want to support me. I feel like I’m going to be a burden if I ask. I want to do it all by myself. This counteracts everything I’ve said to team members and the things I’ve learned about community. I’ve been learning to admit that I need help and allow others to love me. So here I am, admitting that I’m freaked out by the prospect of raising $3000 and starting to doubt that I’ll actually raise all that money. My worries creep in, slowly, and start to permeate my every thought. My doubt and lack of faith is glaringly evident. But there is nothing else to do but press on and give God a chance to show up.
*ps, if you’d like to know more, I set up an webpage about Africa – why I’m going, what I’ll be doing, and who I’ll be partnering with. Yes, there is a link for you to give, and I’m unabashedly putting it out there. Check out this awesome website my brother created for me.