I’m two days behind and posting early for today. Hence the three blog posts. Enjoy!
Confessions Day 17 – Psalm 13
My relationship with the Lord is just that – a relationship. There are days I feel Him so near it’s like He’s standing next to me and there are days where He seems so far He can’t hear me if I yell at the top of my lungs. Because of my humanity, I tend to project my finite understanding onto a God who is infinite. Case in point: I tend to think the Lord is limited the way I am limited. If He is going to bless someone else then I won’t be able to receive any blessings because He’s used up His blessing quota for the day. I didn’t even realize I have this thought pattern until a few years ago. A friend was talking about it in Bible study and it struck an all too familiar chord in my heart. I’ve noticed I still wrestle with these things – especially when I see things going well for others and my world is crumbling. As I was having an honest conversation with the Lord the other night, I wasn’t questioning His goodness or angry but I truly wondered, How long? How long will He make me walk through this. I flipped open my Bible to read in Psalms. My reading plan called for me to read Psalms 12 and Proverbs 17. But I felt this pull to go back to Psalms and keep reading. When I did, He gave me this passage:
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
It made me smile. He knows the cry of my heart. He knows. And I can trust Him.
Confessions Day 18 – GO!
Tonight was the night I’ve been thinking of and working towards for a couple of months now. It’s our big missions launch. This year I really wanted to incorporate some “Free Trade” elements. We ordered 15lbs of slave-free chocolate melting chips for a chocolate fountain, bought hundreds of strawberries, marshmallows, and pretzels, purchased GO Shirts made on slave-free cotton, and had bags that were made by women who had been rescued from slavery. It was a lot of work. Many many people were behind the scenes helping out. The evening went fine and the overall feedback has been positive. But there were definitely hiccups. Namely with the chocolate fountain. At one point I was in the bathroom crying because I was so frustrated. True story. But so many wonderful people surrounded me and helped. I realized that I can rely on a team. I don’t have to do it all. Several of our Sofa Leadership folks stepped up and helped make the Potluck before the event a success, during the mingling time I had a great team talking with folks and answering questions, and afterwards there were two brave souls who stayed well past a decent time to help Deb and I clean the blasted chocolate fountain. As I laid in my bed exhausted, aching, snotty, and coughing, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the love and support of the team I had tonight. So thank you! Thank you Don, Ray, and Steve especially for your amazingness.
Confessions Day 19 – Worlds Colliding
In approximately 40 minutes I’ll get in my car, drive to Denver and pick up sweet Jami Crockett. Jami was my last roommate in Nashville and we had a blast together. She’s always one to speak honest truth and in the middle of my major life changes, she had wisdom, grace, and patience with me. Some of my favorite memories are sitting on her floor laughing about the Ambassador, eating icing, driving to get fro-yo, or just being amazed at her general awesomeness. We got to spend a little time together in Seattle this summer as we were both there for different things. It made me miss the wonderful people I knew so well in Nashville. Aside from a few concerts going through and getting to see musician friends, this will be the first time I spend time with anyone from Nashville in almost 18 months. I haven’t gone back and no one has come out to visit. To be honest, I’m a bit apprehensive. I don’t want to stir up a longing that I’ve put to rest – especially when my heart is so broken and my nature is to run. Thankfully, I’ve got practical Jami who will remind me who I am and where I am called to be. See you soon Crockett!!