Confessions Day 22 – All Will Be Well

The last few days have been rough. There has been tension, uncomfortable conversations, burn out, and at times, a loss of hope. Yesterday was the culmination of it all. My little heart just could not take any more by lunch time. I was on the phone with my mom and with a whispered, teary, broken voice, I said, “mom, I just feel like He’s forgotten about me. I just need something, something small to look forward to or remind me that He still knows.” She brought up my upcoming Africa trip and how excited I’ve been for that. I made some off-hand comment about it being six months away and she gently corrected me saying it was only 4. Then I started to get anxious about the funds not being in and I’m so far from my goal. We didn’t spend much more time talking and I hung up desperately grasping at the straws of who I know Him to be. Within an hour, one of our finance ladies dropped off  the reports for all the mission trips and had a little smile when she said she entered some for me. I knew of one or two that were supposed to come in so when I ran the report for myself, my heart stopped. Almost $600 came into my account the last week. Couple with the $397 I have in another account, I was almost at $1000. That is ONE THIRD of my trip. I saw the list of donors and felt humbled and awed. I immediately called my mom. Once again, tears were flowing down my cheeks. but this time for a good reason. Within another hour another $500 check came in. Almost $1200 came in within a week. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude and love for the Lord. I felt so seen and known by Him in the midst of my day. He knew I would need to know the amount when I found out. He knew that second check would just be the icing on top. He saw my tiny little heart and knew that it needed a sweet reminder of His favor. As I’ve taken stock the last few days, I’ve realized I need to give my heart some space and some time to breathe. I keep reading the world “selah” in my quiet times. I am going to try to take some more time to “selah” and make room to “selah.” There is too much clutter in my heart and my brain. I’m losing focus and purpose. After having tea with a sweet friend, I turned on my cd player and one of my favorite songs came on. I forgot that I put it on a mix I recently burned but it seemed incredibly appropriate for so much of my life. It’s called “All Will Be Well” by the Gabe Dixon Band. I highly recommend this song. I’m going to post some the lyrics below.

all will be well
even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself
all will be well
you can ask me how, but only time will tell

you got to keep it up and don’t give up
and  chase your dreams and you will find
all in time

you can ask me how, but only time will tell
you can ask me how, but only time will tell

that all will be well.

 

because all will be well.

 

 

ps. if you’d like to pray and / or give to my Africa trip, go here.

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