This morning I had my first commute with no music.
It was incredibly weird.
Literally I reached for the power button probably three times in the first four minutes of driving. By the time I made it down to the first stop light I was having a little bit of anxiety.
Oh my gosh. I have 16 more minutes of this. How am I ever going to make it in silence? This was an awful idea. And I can’t even check facebook at the stop lights. This is going to be the longest commute of my life. What was I thinking?!
And then my cell phone text message chime went off and it was the loudest thing I had heard all morning. I was slightly grateful for the temporary distraction on my drive.
Okay I thought LORD, I’m just going to talk to You. I’m going to confess my anxiety and share with you the precious desires of my heart that You already know but I don’t tell You often enough. I don’t even care if people think I look crazy. Maybe they’ll just think I’m singing along to the radio and not talking to someone who isn’t sitting in my passenger seat. Or maybe they’ll just think I’m crazy. And I probably am. But I don’t really care. Okay, Back to you, Father.
And I got to have the most unexpected precious time with the LORD. I got to take the swirling in my brain and verbalize it. Telling Him the things I fear, the things I know to be true about Him, and the longings of my heart. By the time I got on the exit for my office (with a quick Starbucks detour) I had tears rolling down my face, something I wasn’t expecting. It felt like such a sweet time. I had a prompting to do something that I’ve often felt before but other times I’ve just turned my music up and let the loudness drown out the prompting. I’m really good at finding noise that is just a little bit louder than the LORD’s voice. But this morning I followed the prompting and it was awkward, but rewarding.
Now not checking Facebook and Twitter was another thing. It was harder in a different way. I actually missed some of the social interaction of my daily routine. I deleted my apps on my phone so I can’t access it from there any longer. Like every new thing, there is the initial high of the commitment. I’m totally in. I can do this. This is the healthiest thing for me. But then the slow longing for the things that almost fulfill but don’t quite returns. It’s sort of like when I detox from sugar. The first few days are miserable. I feel physical repercussions from my detox and I hate it. Once the toxins leave my system and it’s no longer a modified craving, I don’t miss it. But usually half in to whatever detox, long after the physical cravings have subsided, the emotional cravings begin. I have a feeling it’s going to be like that for social media things. Which is why blogging is my accountability.
Tonight should be easy enough – I’ve got a small group and then a going away party for a dear friend. I’ve noticed I’m starting to fill my evenings ups so I’m not tempted to get online and check the various sites. So there is another thing I have to be careful of – replacing one busyness with another.
I’ll leave you with something I was reminded of this morning:
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him.
to the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust –
there may yet be hope…