The Loudness in Silence Day 16

I wish there was more silence than there actually is right now. My desk is the first cube when you walk into our offices. I sit near the coffee pots, mail slots, copiers, fax machine, and reception area. Granted, about 90% of the time I enjoy being in the center of the buzz of the office, but occasionally the noise gets to me. The noise has been getting to me more and more lately as I’ve been eliminating noise from my life. For instance, I’m pretty sure both copiers are spitting out hundreds of pages of documents right now. In all fairness, it is an hour past office hours. Regardless of whether or not the machines are running, there is always a low hum of technology. The lights and air conditioning, the machines warming up, the clicking of keyboards, low rumbles of phone conversations, and the occasional passer by make up my daily soundtrack. But there is a weariness that comes with noise. It’s always there. It’s never completely silent. Last night as I was journaling I had my windows open. It was a fairly quiet and cool windy night so I was enjoying natural air conditioning coming in. The winds had a very distinct pattern – one that was not typical breeze but feels like a storm. I love storms, so I kept my window open. I turned off all my lights, opened my windows further and pulled up the blinds. The wind was so strong it occasionally made my door creak while it was closed. The city lights were a beautiful backdrop to the view from my bed. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply at the scent of the oncoming storm, and fell asleep with this verse coursing through my thoughts: “…in addition to all of this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one…” As I drifted off to sleep I felt protected and safe. There was a shield around me, protecting me from the flaming arrows pointed at my heart as I slept. Something has been changing in me. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but several people have unknowingly told me the same thing. They’ve all confirmed what up until recently, I had no idea was happening. Something inside the very depth of who I am has come alive. Something has been awakened in my heart and it’s evident by my very countenance. I saw one of our missionaries (who is such a dear spirit to me) for the first time in a year. The first thing she said is that something had changed in me. She could see it all over my face. She then matter of fact-ly stated something that I’m not yet ready to share with the world. It’s something that I’m not even sure is real or not. If it is, all of this makes sense. The transformation, the change, the difference in my appearance. (And no Cam Seelye, I’m not pregnant). And if it’s not? Then I’m at a loss for words. And someday, I’ll tell you the whole story. But for now it’s my secret to treasure. It’s holed up in a little part of my heart, with tiny beams of light that somehow make their way to my physical being, and it’s a complete mystery to me.

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