How “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” broke my heart and killed my generation.

How “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Broke My Heart and Killed My Generation. Part 1.

I’m convinced there is an epidemic in young Christian culture. Those of us who are 20-35 were profoundly impacted by three things.

1) I Kissed Dating Goodbye
2) Disney movies
3) A sky-rocketing divorce rate

Now, the last thing this world needs is another rant about how I can blame Joshua Harris or his counter parts for my unexpected and prolonged singleness. I think his intentions were honorable, however I think the execution was poorly done.

In his “revolutionary” book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, Harris esteems the virtues of casting aside modern day dating and embracing a more Biblical view of courtship. While the book has some extremely valid points, the overarching theme tends to take our culture from a casual and sometimes harmful approach of dating, to a society that has recreated lost eras that are past for a reason. And please take this from an unbiased opinion. I read every book that came out on dating. I wrote papers on them. I ROCKED my purity ring. But… the older I’ve gotten, the more I believe we launched from one extreme to the other, and now we’re reaping the consequences of setting courtship on a pedestal.

As far as I’m aware, my generation’s passivity is somewhat of a new phenomenon. Young Christian women have been guarding their hearts, wearing purity rings, and vowing not to kiss until their wedding day, so intensely that they have a hard time interacting with male counter parts. Add this to their immediate assumption that if a boy asks them on a date, he’s obviously prayed about it, sought Godly counsel, and spent time alone in a cabin seeking God’s will for PF Changs or Macaroni Grill, that obviously he’s ready for this date to be a prelude to marriage (REALLY LADIES?) and you’ve got girl crazy at it’s finest

Men, I see you. Nodding your head and totally agreeing with me. But don’t think you’re getting off easy on this one. With the exclusion of a few wonderful men I know, your inability to ask a girl on a real bonafide date astounds me! You do this awkward “hey! let’s grab coffee!” thing that leaves us wondering if it IS a date. Do we offer to pay? Do we let you pay? Do we bring a friend? Your lack of leadership and decision making sends us into a tailspin and we start assuming things which then can create space for US to control and lead. Your insecurity and passivity opens up opportunity for our deepest wounding and weakness to become evident. This is NOT loving us as Christ loved the Church. You’re setting us up to fail.

Is anyone not seeing why Christian culture is afraid to date?

The most respect I’ve had for a man is when he very bluntly said he’d like to take me to dinner. He asked me what day and time was good for my schedule. He had a couple restaurants picked out and asked me which one I preferred. All I had to do was show up and be a woman. He pursued me. I assumed it to be nothing more than dinner and good conversation.

This is a topic I want to dig into. And I want your feedback. Next up – Ladies, we’re getting into some of the nitty gritty of OUR failure and OUR responsibility in this mess. It won’t be pretty but it’ll be honest and probably something we ALL need to hear.


8 thoughts on “How “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” broke my heart and killed my generation.

  1. Pingback: The Heart of a Woman | Ramblings of a Beggar

  2. this post showed up in my news feed today, and before i knew it, i’d read this whole series. let me just say: thank you for saying so many things i’ve been thinking for a while now.

  3. I realize this is an old post. Someone referenced it in an online discussion.
    Anyway, I hope you’ve figured it out by now that when a guy asks you to coffee, there’s no need to fall into a tailspin of confusion, nor to suppose he’s being indecisive or failing to lead. Just say yes, and assume you’re paying for yourself. Maybe give him a kiss after the chat and say “thanks for asking me out, pal. It was fun. See you around.” 😉

  4. My mom encouraged me to read the book last year before I entered into my first college relationship. While I saw valid points, I greatly disagreed in a number of areas. I greatly disagree with the idea that casual dating is completely wrong because it can be good as long as the intentions are good. Asking someone out on a date does not always have to be super serious or have the idea of marriage involved. That comes later.

  5. I would point out that I used to ask girls out to dinner on bonafide dates. However, after a while I attempted to try to make anything that resembled a date not a date because Christian girls wouldn’t go on dates. I’m my frustration that no Christian girls would go on dates or talk to me by the age of 21, I started dating non Christian girls because they would be my friend, talk to me, go on dates… very strange. I finally met a girl who hated Josh Harris’s book and we started dating and got married at 30. All those years, I lost out on some cool friendships because of a strange doctrine that infected the minds off most the girls my age. A tragedy to my beginning adult years. Too bad those girls didn’t put the tenants of the faith over a kid’s book.

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