How “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Broke My Heart and Killed My Generation. Part 2.
So, Ladies, here we are. If you’re brave enough to read this, I commend you. And guys, for those of you curious enough to come back for a look into a female brain, you may want to grab a beer or something to help make sense of it all.
Here’s the thing about girls. We’re crazy. We just need to admit it. The way our brains work is ridiculous. We can be thinking about one thing, while having a conversation about something else, while driving to somewhere we’ve never been, and singing along to our favorite song as our GPS shouts out directions at us. This amazing ability to multi-task can also cause endless amounts of exhaustion for the opposite sex. We have to remember that their brains are literally not created the same way ours are. The sooner we understand that, the easier it will be to interact.
I mean, let’s be honest, ladies, we’re smarter. We’re better at a lot of things. Our pain tolerance is ridiculously high compared to theirs. We’re soft and feminine. We’re allowed to cry at anything. We can usually sweet talk our way out of speeding tickets or sticky situations. We have a week every month to blame spilled milk and world hunger on hormones. It’s pretty great being a woman sometimes.
But if there is one thing we need to realize, it’s this:
Just because he wants to take us to dinner does not mean he wants to marry us.
We are way too quick to “name the dog.” And I know several of you are laughing in that “oh man she totally knows me” kind of way. I know this because I do the same thing! One of my favorite quotes is from Jane Austen. “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
We need to STOP this. It is not glorifying to God. It doesn’t keep our hearts safe. It keeps men from feeling the freedom to ask us out to dinner. It takes ALOT of courage to ask someone out on a date. Fragile courage. And the last thing we want them fearing is that we’ve already figured out how many kids we’ll have, where we’ll live, whose house we’ll spend Christmas at, and who will manage the finances before we’ve had our drink orders taken.
Girls, I know you’re laughing. And guys, I know you’re grimacing. But it’s true. It’s how our brains are wired. We think about the future. We think about the way to nurture and care for those we love. We can insert ourselves into any story. It can be a great quality but one that is dangerous left unchecked.
We’re commanded to take every thought captive and I fully believe this is directed at us, ladies. To take our crazy swirling emotions and reign them in. Now I believe this has been a struggle for women for generations, but I think it’s becoming an EPIDEMIC with our generation.
We’re so incapable of having healthy boundaries with men that we go to one of two extremes – we date anyone and everyone without ever pausing to not be in some sort of relationship, or we date no one. Neither one of these is healthy. The Bible commands us to purity not separation in relationships. I know I will not be in a healthy marriage if I’m not able to contribute to a relationship in a healthy way.
Habits take time to develop. The more skilled you are in either jumping from relationship to relationship or taking yourself so far out of the game, the more this will become your pattern of life and inevitably have an effect on your future. Not to say there isn’t hope of redemption because I absolutely believe we serve a God who redeems our brokenness.
I’m saying that it is DINNER. It is a chance to get to know a man who is most likely sweet and insecure and scared just like you. But you know what makes him more scared? When we GO CRAZY. When we fail and treat him as a prospective match instead of a brother.
And I am just as guilty as the rest. The LORD has done some pretty radical things in my heart to keep me from viewing every unmarried man as potentially “the one.” I realized that I’m running a race and instead of keep my eyes focused in front of me, I’ve been looking around at all the other runners to see who is close. It’s like every time I start trying to run straight again, there’s something SHINY and my focus is gone. God has been challenging me to keep my eyes on Him and run the course I’ve been given. Zig-zagging gets me nowhere and only makes me look foolish. Imagine watching someone trying to finish a marathon while running back and forth. It would be exhausting and frustrating.
So girls. Go to dinner. Go to dinner and enjoy a nice meal and a man who just wants to make you laugh. Enjoy your conversation and don’t think about your future children or whether or not his mother is going to like you.
But what if there are no dinners? No dates? No relationships? It’s a pretty scary place right? Come back tomorrow and we’ll take a deeper look at some of those harder heart questions.