Almost.

I’m sitting here writing this the night before the wedding of someone very dear to me. I got to know her while I was on staff at Woodmen. She opened her heart and story to me. I got to watch her fall in love. I got to watch her dreams come true. I got to watch her get more than she ever imagined.

Her husband (by the time this blog will be published) is an incredible musician and had an album release show at Woodmen. It was the opposite of any album release I ever experienced in Nashville. In all the best ways possible.

As I sat there listening to him encourage folks in the audience and share pieces of who he is, tears flooded to my eyes.

I almost missed this.

I almost missed all of this.

I almost missed the best and deepest relationships I’ve ever known. I almost missed Papa radically shifting my world view. I almost missed being broken and re-made. I almost missed Africa. I almost missed India. I almost missed him. I almost missed the things I needed to shape who I am today.

I almost missed it because I refused to go back to the desert. I almost missed it because I didn’t believe Papa could love me and make me come back here. I almost missed it because of my pride. I almost missed it.

Gratitude flooded into my heart and spirit. I can only imagine the type of person I would be if I stayed in Nashville. I don’t think I would like her very much. I can only imagine where my walk with Christ would have gone. It would have been all about pleasing and nothing about trusting.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a parallel track of life that is lived for every choice we have. Like is there another version of who I am if I had stayed in Nashville? Now I absolutely believe in the sovereignty of Christ but I also believe in free will. If I had chosen to stay in Nashville and fight through  job layoffs, how would He have taught me these lessons? What would He had to do to get my attention?

Because THIS, the past two years and seven months, has been exactly what I needed. Not always what I wanted, but exactly what I needed to experience. So as I move forward in my life, I’m starting to view my life through a new lens.

The lens that can only come from experiencing a resolution to circumstances. I saw how I needed to walk through the things that had to shape me into the woman I am today. Looking at my life, looking at the things I haven’t gotten, the times where I haven’t been right, the times I’ve had to surrender, the moments where I’ve cried on the floor with my dreams shattered in pieces around me, the moments I’ve screamed at the topped of my lungs in the car, the times where I’ve laughed so hard I can hardly catch my breath, the moments I’ve sat there and thought, this, this is what Life is. The joy life and community has brought me.

Gosh, how could I have almost missed this!! I never could have seen this coming and yet, He did. And He knew His plans were going to be good for me. I don’t want the other life I knew. I don’t want to go back to the girl I was. I don’t want it.

Yet, I know that a change is coming. I can feel it in my bones. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got that feeling. The feeling where the paradigm of life starts to shift and you know you’re in for one hell of a ride. So kids, hang on tight… it’s time to jump in with all our clothes on.

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2 thoughts on “Almost.

  1. Wow. Thanks for sharing this. I think we’re in the same boat. Leaving a place we love (Colorado) for the place where God is taking us (France). Where better to be than where God wants you?

  2. Wow. Thanks for sharing this. I think we are in the same boat right now. Leaving a place we love (Colorado) for the place where God is taking us (France). Where better to be than where God wants you?

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