Seven months ago, if you told me I’d be writing this post, I probably would have cried. Hard. And told you that you were crazy. But today it seems completely normal.
After many prayers, conversations, tears, and sleepless nights, I’ve decided to leave the Compassion tour and move back to Colorado.
A few months ago, I found out that my position on the road was changing. When that change happened, I had a lot of time to think about the challenges of road living, the sacrifices I was making for the tour, and the things that brought me life. At the end of the day, the sacrifices did not outweigh the benefits for me.
I’ve been processing many of my decisions through this question: “When I look back at my life, what are things I’m going to wish I spent time on?” This job ended up ranking far below the time I could be spending with my family and my community. I’ve wrestled with elements of failure and shame but I fully believe these things to be of the enemy.
Because the reality of the situation is that I have a community and people in Colorado like I’ve never had anywhere else. This time I’m choosing to move back to Colorado. Nothing is sending me running back to a wilderness. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be in that city again. Granted so much of my community has changed in the last year, but it’s okay. I’m excited about new community and new friends.
My time on the road has been incredible. I’ve met so many people, learned so much about myself, and got a family out of it. I am truly heartbroken to leave behind this amazing team and my dear friends at Brewco. They’ve been beyond gracious and supportive as I’ve sorted out what’s next for my future. This opportunity has been once in a lifetime and I wouldn’t change the last few months for anything in the world.
I am a better woman because of the time I’ve spent on this tour.
I truly believe and know that.
But it’s time for the sun to set on this day and to rise on another.
I’m staying with the tour through the end of February and then I’ll head back to Colorado the end of February / beginning of March. My plan is to move back in with my parents until I get things sorted. I’ve got a few potential jobs in the pipeline. Things I’m super excited about. My parents have been more than gracious to allow me the space to sort it out once again. Although this time, I think I owe my dad a few more backrubs and my mom a few more nights of dishes.
settle down, it’ll all be clear
don’t pay no mind to the demons
they fill you fear
the trouble it might drag you down
if you get lost, you can always be found
just know you’re not alone
’cause I’m going to make this place your