I don’t know… maybe this post is coming from the fact that I’ve had Frank Sinatra on repeat, or that fall is the most romantic time of the year, or maybe because I’m tired of being surprised when a man pursues well.
But I just need to ask a question for a second:
Gentlemen – what happened to wooing?
I don’t mean the unrealistic movie wooing. I don’t mean Noah from the Notebook or some other rom-com. I mean true passionate wooing. When men took delight in pursuing a woman and she felt the freedom to enjoy it. There weren’t messy friendationship lines. There weren’t weighted words and expectations of understanding assumptions.
You put on a sport coat and I put on a dress and maybe some high heels. You picked me up on time, opened the car door, and took me to a restaurant. The only decision I had to make was if I wanted chicken, steak, or fish. We’d sip wine and enjoy conversation. I didn’t have to worry about if you were paying or I was. I didn’t have to worry if I was reading in to something. I didn’t have to worry about if we were just friends. My only worry was making sure broccoli wasn’t in my teeth.
And maybe after dinner, if it wasn’t too late, we’d go to some fun place and have another drink and listen to jazz or big band or something else nostalgic. Maybe you’d even feel brave enough to take my hand and lead me out to the floor and twirl me around and around. I’d probably laugh and step on your toes and apologize profusely.
Eventually you’d bring me home, walk me to my door, and say goodnight. Maybe you’d sweetly kiss my cheek and the hold door for me as I went inside having no expectation of anything further. I would fall asleep that night holding my face because my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
There is nothing glamorous or highly romantic about this — only a simple pivot towards intentionality and respect. And I think we’ve lost that. Try to tell me that there isn’t something that inspires you when you see the Humphrey Bogart’s and Fred Astaire’s of the world. I think a piece of us longs for the simplicity of dating back in black and white.
And the wooing goes beyond putting on a nice suit and tie. It goes down to romancing the deepest parts of our heart while continuing to pursue our Papa. In fact, some of your best pursuit of us might be when you’re wearing pajamas and drinking coffee in the wee hours of the morning while you talk to Papa.
Okay, I hear you, protesting. Telling me that you want to do this but girls will get the wrong idea or get freaked out or it’s too much or whatever. Guys, I’ll talk to the ladies about this later, but trust me when I say, EVERY girl wants to be wooed.
It may not look the same for all of us, but there is some way that each of us feels wooed. If you’re interested enough in us to ask us out, be interested enough to figure out how we’re best pursued. It will potentially save you money and time if we don’t like dinner dates but would rather be hiking. Plus if you’re not interested enough in us to figure us out, are you sure you should be taking us to dinner?
Gentlemen, I’ve said this before. I truly believe in you. I’ve seen the men you are and continue to become. I know we’ve failed you, I know we’ve let you down, I know we’ve hurt you, I know we’ve rejected you. I know.
BUT here is where you get to fight to win it all back.
So please, win back the art of wooing?