Can I be a Housewife?

I have a feeling I’m going to take some heat for this post.

Here’s the deal. My career aspiration is to be a housewife.

Mad at me yet?

I stumbled across this article on Slate about women buying their own engagement rings. It was biting and sarcastic and belittling. It reeked of bitterness. I rolled my eyes as I browsed this woman’s take on traditional customs in weddings. I briefly imagined having a conversation with her in person and giggled at the shock on her face if I told her I wanted nothing more than to be a kept woman. Granted, I have no idea what she looks like but in my imaginary world her non-descript face twisted in horror and disgust.

Thing thing about it is though, since I was a little girl I’ve only wanted to be a wife and mom. I’ve wanted to come alongside a man and do ministry and life with him. Supporting his career aspirations and providing a stable and safe place at home. Maybe it’s because I had a mother who did this so well and with so much joy. She made my childhood lovely and safe and inviting. My dad was completely present as well. He offered us security and protection and love and humor. My parents are the best. (Minus the 8 year stint at this crazy place they made us endure…)

Regardless, throughout my growing up years I wanted two things. To hang out with bands and to be a wife / mom. Preferably together. Moving to Nashville and working in the music industry seemed like a perfect way to accomplish these things. Well, half the equation worked out. But the part I really wanted never came to fruition.

Now my personality type would be to wallow and daydream and figure out how to be a housewife but thankfully I have a father who raised me to be independent and self-sufficient. So I got a job out of college and supported myself assuming it would be temporary.

Five years later it hasn’t become quite as temporary as I hoped. I have been incredibly grateful for the jobs and experiences I’ve had these last five years that I never would have had if my plans had succeeded. But in the midst of that has been a longing for the deepest desires of my heart. A longing I’ve been honest about.

And you know what makes me madder than anything? This cultural shaming of women who truly want to be stay at home moms by OTHER WOMEN! It seems like in order to assert our feminist beliefs we have decided that motherhood is now a second rate dream. It breaks my heart when other women quietly confess that their career aspirations are to raise babies and make Pinterest recipes. Not because that’s what they want but because they feel the need to quietly confess

If there is one thing I believe to be true it’s that the feminist movement was about empowering women. Equalizing. Elevating. So what if instead of pushing each other into the rat race, we push each other into the wiring God has given us? Whether that is in a corporate office or at home with babies. My best friend is created to work and to nurture. She thrives in her job and she thrives as a mother. For her it makes sense to work part time and be at home with her sweet baby.

But me? All I’ve ever wanted is school runs, soccer games and orange slices, parent-teacher conferences, making costumes and cupcakes, and raising kids who are passionate about Jesus. That is the place where my heart comes alive. So please, world, will you stop making me feel terrible about that?

Who cares if I want to be a 1950’s housewife?! I’ll wear pearls if I want to!

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4 thoughts on “Can I be a Housewife?

  1. I think you are single, because you chose to. Crack the door – and let someone in.

    My friend who is also single, we text each other pictures of people we see who are dating well out of their league.

    The hardest part is not maintaining and building the relationship – its getting that initial attention.

    Women have the upper hand. Us men have to be patient…

  2. I love this post, Rachel! I always knew I’d want to stay home and raise my babies, but there’s this cultural pressure to be “doing” more. I’ve been home for six months now and I still catch myself answering the inevitable “what do you do” question with “oh, I just stay home”. When in reality this “just staying home” is the hardest and most right thing I’ve done. I keep feeling like maybe I should try to work from home or something, but I’ve realized that comes in response to feeling like raising babies and running a home isn’t “good enough” in this society. I have to hold on to the fact that I really do want this, and I really do think it’s important to raise my boys as well as I’m able.
    Rambling aside, I agree that the culture we live in doesn’t value the woman who wants to “just” be a housewife and momma. And other women do tend to be the worst offenders!

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