Dear Future Husband: Past Regrets

Hi love,

How are you? Are you getting all ready for Thanksgiving? Are you spending it with your family or friends? I can’t wait to know these things!

So this past weekend I went to visit one of my best friends and her husband in Chicago. It was such a fun trip. One that I hope we’ll take together someday. I think you’ll like them both. They have such amazing insight into life and love and Jesus and our stories. It’s restful to be with them.

Anyway, we got to talking about past relationships and what level of detail should be shared with boyfriends or girlfriends who are getting serious. We discussed various situations and failures. My thoughts were yes, share. I think there will be more problems in the long-run.

Now, I don’t have a long list of regrets or things I’ll have to share with you that will break your heart. I have some things that someday we’ll need to talk through and I can explain why and how and what I learned but I’m not too worried about what I’ve cultivated in my past. But I do want you to know that your past regrets are not a deal-breaker for me.

I want you to feel safe enough to tell me the times you screwed up. I want you to feel safe enough to show me the worst and know that I’ll love you because of it. I want you to feel safe enough to cry in my arms if you need to tell me you gave away something you shouldn’t have. I want you to feel safe enough to know that even if I’m sad and hurt I’m not going to stop fighting for you. For us.

Your past is what has made you into the man that I will eventually fall in love with. I’m not scared of your story. I’m not scared of your skeletons. I’m not scared of hidden shame and secret failures. I love you regardless.

I will never hold these things over your head. I will never use them as a weapon. I will never think myself better because I didn’t struggle the same way you may have. I will never let them come up in arguments or heated discussions. I will never respect you less because of them.

I will always love you. I will always respect you. I will always fight for you. I will always fight beside you. I will always trust you. I will always think the best of you. I will always try to remember your intentions are good. I will always try to remember Christ in you will make me better.

Because I want all of you. Your fears and failures. Your wounds and insecurities. Your baggage. Your past. Your victories and triumphs. Your strength. Your wisdom. Your insight. Your ability to see the world in a way completely different from anyone else. Your passion. Your talent. Your skill. Your tenderness. Your honesty. Your respect. Your love.

We’re broken people with broken pieces in our past. Broken pieces cut others and make them bleed. But love can dull those sharp edges and they can be made new and whole. And maybe our story and both of our failings will bring hope to someone who may have felt hopeless and beyond repair.

But love, know this, whatever your past, I’m not going anywhere.

So until then, I’ll be here.

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