And then… my heart broke.

This post comes from a raw place. Incredibly raw. But living in community sometimes means living raw.

The details of the end are mine and his and only ours.

There is so much more to the story than the end. It was a surprise for both of us. It was devastating for both of us. And it was an act of love for both of us.

The end feels like death — One day I can worry about his aching knee and his work schedule and the next day I can’t. My heart and world feel shattered. It is confusing and awful and every time I wake up it’s like a tidal wave of grief all over again.

I write this only because you, my world and my community, have been faithfully walking this journey with me, loving me through the highs and lows, and praying for me. And now, I beg your prayers for my heart and his heart.

I will say this, that man loved me better than I have ever been loved. He showed me Jesus. He challenged me. He did his best to fight for me and love me and cherish me and tell me I was beautiful. I have no anger or bitterness towards him, only sadness that my best friend, the man I gave my heart to, is longer in my life. I respect and admire him still.

So many of you have been texting and calling and reaching out. The outpouring of love and support is what makes me know that I might not be okay today or tomorrow or even next month but morning will come, the tears will subside, laughter will begin to bubble inside of me, and joy will remain.

Thank you for your love and please have patience with me if I’m slow to respond.

Advertisements

One thought on “And then… my heart broke.

  1. thank you for exposing your heart; thank you for being raw and vulnerable. you are a beautiful testimony and today, I’m encouraged and grateful to watch you gracefully love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s