But I Know a Change is Gonna Come

My heart had been stirring for many months. And if I’m honest, I felt the passion awaken a few years ago. But as it does, life has taken a different course and I followed along.

You all have journeyed with me the past three years since I got off the road. You’ve had a front row seat to health issues, falling in love, breaking up, and everything in between. It’s been a process.

So last summer I started getting the inkling that maybe, just maybe, the next phase of life the Lord had for me was something I may need to go back to school for. The careers I’ve always been drawn to, the things I’ve naturally found myself good at, don’t line up with my almost 10 years of marketing and social media experience. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew something was.

This past fall I decided I wanted to apply to Denver Seminary and potentially take a class or two while living in the Springs and working for my dad. It would be slow but seemed like a good option. Then I got sick and felt like everything had been taken away by this illness. I could barely be at work 8 hours a day let alone trying to juggle school in the middle of it.

But Jesus began to heal me — body, soul, and mind. He began to heal me and asked me how much I trusted Him. He asked me if I was still willing to consider graduate school. So I signed up for a preview day to check out the campus. And between the time I signed up and the time I went, I felt my heart shift again. This time thinking about what the future would look like.

I asked myself what I wanted out of this season, for myself. What did I really actually want.

And on a massage table on a cold day at the end of December, a light bulb went on.

I want to move to Denver and do school full time and start a new life.

wait, what? where did THAT come from? 

Moving to Denver and starting over had literally never been the plan. Ever. It hadn’t ever been a thought. It was a “oh maybe if this worked out and was a good situation I could but I don’t think it will so I probably won’t”

But then it just wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t stop thinking. And hoping. And praying.

And I finally confessed the words to a friend, and another, and another, and then my parents. It was scary in my mind and even scarier when I said it out loud.

I realized part of the isolation and tension I had been feeling was partly a response to out growing my life in the Springs. Don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful, beautiful, life-giving community. I have men and women who fight and fight and fight for me and my heart and for me to know Jesus more. I am the luckiest girl to have the family and the people I do in my life.

But… I’m just in a different season than most of them. I’m in a season alone that they all have moved through. And for the first time the influx of people in the similar stages of life have not replenished the movement outward. I love their season of life. I love weddings and new marriages and babies and kids and all of it. I do. So much. But there’s something to be said about needing to find people who are still fighting in the same trenches.

So the stirring became a hurricane and I felt like this was what I needed to pursue, regardless of seminary. I knew Denver was the next step. I knew I needed to give myself a chance to run towards something and not away from it.

I realized that every time I have moved from a job or a city I have been moving to run away from a bad situation — a layoff, a bad boss, a bad job fit, whatever it is, I’ve spent the last 10 + years running AWAY from and now I want to spend the next 10 years running TOWARD something.

My job the last two years has been wonderful. I have had an amazing woman pour into me personally and professionally, someone who has heard my desires and the things I enjoy and worked tirelessly to see me thrive. I’ve had the privilege of serving under my dad and seeing the in’s and out’s of what he’s created. I have gotten to experience amazing things with and for him. I love it. I love the life I’ve been living.

But the hurricane in my heart is moving me away from this season of life. From good to great.

On a Friday afternoon I got the phone call. “We are pleased to offer you admission for the Fall of 2016.” My heart almost beat out of my chest.

My plan right now is to stay in the Springs through June or so, take a few weeks off to visit babies and loves and have adventure. I’m hoping to move the beginning of July and start a job. School starts in end of August. This is my plan but I hold it loosely. Very loosely, knowing the Lord could completely re-direct and re-position my steps.

The journey continues, just in a new city with new people and new adventures. I’m scared out of my mind but full of so much anticipation and hope. So if you know anyone looking for a roommate or needing an employee, let me know and we can grab a drink sometime. Or, if you feel so inclined to underwrite my tuition / living expenses / buy me a new laptop, I’ll happily accept as well 🙂

Here’s to 2016, a year of looking ahead!

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