Stuff Christians Like – Guest Post

I had the honor to guest post for Jon Acuff’s Stuff Christians Like blog. The post seemed to be a hit with folks. Recently, Jon Acuff left Dave Ramsey’s company and when he did that, his website suffered in the midst of the transition. So I thought I’d re-post what I wrote for him on my site until the transition is complete. Enjoy!

What to do when Sunday Morning becomes a Match.com Mingle.

I live in a fairly average size city with a high concentration of Christian people. In fact, my city was once known as the “Christian Ministry Headquarters. ” But what there seems to be is an alarming lack of young single Christian men. I decided to turn to the internet to help my quest.

Being a good Christian girl, my go-to was eHarmony. What I got from that website was a man who had more in common with our waiter and two stalkers. The inability to browse on eHarmony keeps me safe though. I had no idea if GodsWarrior247 is the sweaty hand shaker during the greeting, or MarkDriscollRox is my fellow youth leader. (“Though I walk through the pews of my Sunday morning, I will fear no awkward IRL encounter” should be their slogan)

Three strikes took eHarmony out so I hesitantly and rebelliously joined Match.com. The ability to specify my dream man (6′, blue eyes, brown hair, Christian / Other, doesn’t smoke, college degree, in case you were wondering)* gave me literally hundreds of options in my 100 mile radius.

Blessed Be the Name of the LORD!! I had walked into the Land of Milk and Honey. In fact, I felt this was a fleece I should start my Wedding board on Pinterest. Surely my David was among these men.

But very quickly I saw familiar faces. A boy who I actually dated. Another one I went on a mission’s trip with, and another who used to be roommates with a friend.

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. I hit those buttons as fast I my Spirit-led fingers could move.

But soon after a nice smiling face appeared in my Daily Matches. I clicked his profile (knowing that he would see I had viewed him) and held my breath. Nice looking, good use of grammar, loves the Lord (or so I gathered from his creative use of CS Lewis quotes and Mumford & Sons being a favorite band), and played guitar. I winked and waited. He viewed my profile and didn’t wink back. The online equivalent of “but she’s got a great personality!”

Sunday morning I arrived a little late to church, hurried to find my friends, and settled into my seat. I looked up and nearly choked on my fair-trade organic coffee when on-stage was my CS Lewis quoting, Mumford & Sons loving, guitar playing wink.

I ducked down trying to hide my 5’9″ frame. What now? Do I acknowledge that we both looked at each other online? Do I strike up a conversation? Do I ignore him? Maybe I should just change churches. WHY IS THERE NO RULEBOOK FOR THIS!

So I’ve devised my own from experience.

If you happen to run into someone at church you have been matched with online here is how the situation should be handled:

1) Remain Calm – they may not know you know they know you are both looking for love
2) Alert a wing(wo)man – this is key in helping you make an emergency exit
3) If possible initiate conversation elsewhere – avoidance is the name of the game
4) If forced to converse, do not bring up online dating, love, romance, Facebook, email or anything else that may potentially connect you
5) Send out the bat signal so said wing(wo)man can intervene and run interference allowing you the excuse of a coffee refill or bathroom break.
6) Immediately rush home, check “who viewed me” to see if they know that you know that they know you’re looking for love
7) Pray the Lord does/doesn’t tell them you are the One

If all else fails, enact the Emergency Contingency Plan: Sermon Podcasts for three weeks. Let that dust settle before you go kicking into awkward territory once more.

*dream man parameters have been expanded

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